It’s the month of February, the month of love, red roses, grand gestures and unspoken desires. 

When love is in the air, no one really wants to talk money, even if they want to spend a lot of it. But here’s the truth. All your relationships, romantic or otherwise, rest subliminally on some financial foundation. 

Instead of acknowledging the impact of money on relationships, we tend to avoid the discussion entirely. It’s rude, its crude, awkward and indecorous in love and romance. 

And yet, money issues are recognized as being the primary stress point for marriages and it’s said that 20%-40% of all divorces happen thanks to financial trouble. It’s not because of how much money one has, rather its thanks to unresolved financial differences; conflict in spending patterns, financial bullying, lack of trust, power imbalance in money decisions and so many other aspects. 

Financial conflict – even if it’s covert – can lead to divorce, and divorce in turn leads to further financial troubles. Cash flows are strained, lifestyle can shift, sense of security is shaken and each individual involved is now forced to adapt against their original plan. It’s a vicious financial cycle brought into existence because you avoided those important money conversations, thinking it was impolite to ask.

At the same time, ambitious women who want a good lifestyle are labeled as materialistic by prospective suitors. Well settled, ambitious men in leading positions at work are, on the other hand, sought after by all women. We may not speak openly about money, nevertheless, it influences our choices, judgements and expectations in life. 

After my first book, Money & Her, was published something interesting happened. A few of my friends told me that they finally spoke to their husbands about money- perhaps for the first time in decades. And then they fought. 

This is not surprising. It’s a subject that was never discussed for years and suddenly if questions erupt from one spouse, they can seem accusatory for the other. Curiosity may feel like mistrust. The idea here is collaboration and not challenge.

Money is furthest from being romantic and yet it can be a deal breaker when you consider a life partner. 

Which brings us to the real question: how can couples who are building a life together—through marriage or otherwise—talk about money with honesty and care, without letting it become an uncomfortable force that quietly overtakes the essence of their relationship?

How you can overcome money awkwardness

If you want an enriching, long lasting, relationship with your life partner, stop avoiding money conversations. Instead, consciously build money communication as part of your lives together. 

How can you do that? 

Here’s a quick guide that covers the most important aspects. As you read further, keep in mind that every relationship is different and will have to be nurtured uniquely. While leaving money matters for later never helps, neither will it help to make money your focal point. 

1. Unimpeachable honesty – 

You are committing to spend a lifetime with someone. Talking about money in this happy phase, at the beginning of an eternal relationship, can feel awkward and ungainly. But you don’t have to talk as much as you need to share. 

What is your income, what’s the credit card outstanding, do you invest, where do you invest, impulse spending, too much leading or anything in between needs to be shared in the sincerest way possible. 

Make a date out of it or do it in parts whenever it feels right. Carve your own unique path for these dialogues. 

If your partner is not at the financial level you expected or has debt that you did not expect, it can be addressed. These are not deal breakers. 

In truth, trust will erode super-fast if you come across hidden money matters than if you know about meagre bank balances.

2. It’s in the stories not the spreadsheets

You don’t have to sit and calculate the financial impact of every decision. You can instead visualize the broad picture better by talking about childhood experiences, money habits and even money goals and hurdles. This is also one way to get to know your partner’s values and life goals while understanding their efforts better. 

It’s not about correcting what they do, money behaviour is not a stumbling rock. Rather it’s better to know where it stems from and if in future it doesn’t work positively for your life together, this awareness can help you transform. 

3. Draw the boundaries you want, right at the start

This is the practical aspect of couples’ money management. These days, it’s commonplace to find both partners earning and contributing to the household budget. There is no harm in having this practical conversation around how you want household expenses split, bank accounts held (joint or single), investments made (joint or single) and so on. 

There is no set formula for this. Some couples prefer sharing all expenses equally and holding all assets jointly. Other prefer to define the overlap where expenses are pooled, some assets held individually and others independently. 

Whatever you choose to do, have a system. It doesn’t matter if your system is different from your neighbours, as long as it’s clear and transparent. 

When boundaries are defined, money fights have nowhere to begin. 

4. Define the decision-making process

Some money decisions are small, around daily spending or shopping budgets and others can be huge – around buying a house or planning a wedding or your retirement. The size of the money decision aside, it’s the decision-making process that’s important. 

Identify which of you is better at exercising control on money matters, who is better at researching options and who is better at perhaps bargaining costs. Have a rule book set out, even if it’s done verbally, beforehand. That way you won’t overwhelm each other when the anxiety of a big decision takes over. 

Two partners in relationship can have very different money personalities. This is something that needs to be fixed. It’s this very awareness of your money personalities which will help you navigate life’s many intersections with money, better. Your risk appetite or risk tolerance need not be the same, it needs to be understood and catered to. 

If one partner is conservative then your financial portfolio of spends and investments should make space for that. It should also make space for the risk appetite of the more aggressive partner. That’s how you will find balance. 

Make your money conversations predictable. Schedule a day in the week or month, sit down together, see the numbers and then make new decisions or change old ones. Do it together. 

5. Your net worth and income don’t define your position 

This is important for both genders. It’s often experienced that women feel their income is secondary and hence, their decisions around money are secondary. However, when it comes to your relationship and family, money cannot be a measure of the role you play and the contribution you make. 

Avoid shaming each other’s income level or using that as leverage in a fight. Don’t make your income the basis of power in your relationship. Remember, you are sharing a life, that’s a lot more than sharing just finances. Money is tool, use it to your advantage rather than linking it to a false sense of self-worth.

Your relationship is a lifelong partnership to be nurtured, not a revenue statement where profits need to be maximised.

At its heart, money in a relationship is really about care, trust, and shared intention. It’s not about getting every decision right, but about staying honest, kind, and willing to adapt as life changes. When couples talk about money with openness and empathy, it stops being a source of tension and becomes a quiet reassurance—one more way of saying……. we’re in this together. 

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